Friday Five - I'm Not the Parent I Thought I'd Be

Before we become parents we have these ideas in our heads of what it will be like, what kind of parent we'll be, what kind of parent we want to be. And then the kid comes. And you throw it all out the window. Or at least that's what I did.

I'm sure there are things I said I would never do and I've never done them. I can't think of those things at the moment though. I can't remember much anymore. And I'm going to blame it on the kids, like I always do.

However, I did manage to remember...

Five things I said I'd never do as a parent

1. Leave the house with the kids in a less-than-presentable state. Ha! Big huge HA HA! Seriously, I don't know why I ever thought this. Kids are messy. Kids don't do what you tell them to. You want to go to library story time wearing a tank top in 40 degree weather, carrying your blankie and with your very curly hair matted down in the back. Sure, you win this battle. But I get to win the next one. Okay?

2. Talk about potty training on Facebook. I apologize to those of you I may have secretly judged for your status updates revolving around your children's poop and where it ended up. I really had no clue how flipping exciting it is when your 2-year-old FINALLY pees in the potty. Days and days of struggles to get them to even sit on the toilet and when they finally go in the toilet, you want to tell everyone you know - your mom, your dad, the check out lady at Fred Meyer. Yes, it's that exciting. Now I understand. No more judging from me!

The signature thumb in the mouth hand down the shirt move, made famous by Finley.

3. Tell embarrassing stories about my children. Just check out last week's Friday Five and you can clearly see that I have no problem telling the world that my child has a problem keeping her finger out of her nose, though she has kicked the nipple habit. Kids are hilarious. And they do hilarious stuff. It has to be shared. I just hope that Facebook isn't around when she's older so she never knows I share this stuff about her. Please don't tell.

4. Bribe them. I'm not sure I even thought about this before having kids. But if I did, I'm sure I thought bribery just wouldn't be necessary. I'd have it all under control and the kids would do just what I told them to. But, seriously, sometimes it's all you can do to maintain your sanity. I've done it. And I'm not ashamed. "Eat one more bite of carrots and you can have dessert." Now, really, is that so bad?

5. Bathe my kids once a week. Ok, so it's not that bad. But sometimes they only get bathed twice a week. (I'm still waiting for kids to evolve to be more like self-cleaning felines. Wouldn't it be nice if kids started licking themselves clean? I'd have so much more free time.) Anyway, kids don't really get that dirty. And I'm exhausted some nights. If they don't stink, they don't need the sink (or the bath tub, you know what I mean).

What about you? What are the things you said you'd never do as a parent? Wipe your kid's face with your spit? Say "Because I said so!"? Use the TV as a babysitter? I'm pretty sure whatever you said you'd never do, I've done.